i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
birth control should be required to get into college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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