What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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