i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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