So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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