So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
