operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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