I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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