i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So vagazzling was a success
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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