my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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