ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
