As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
