You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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