When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
