So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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