Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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