So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
