The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
