he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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