Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
