Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
