every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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