I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
