i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
