So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
