Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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