UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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