listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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