I want to make a zoo with you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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