Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
