How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize