Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Screwed.edu
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
