I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
