don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
