I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
