we have officially lost it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
