The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
