it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
