I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
