She said her name was "party"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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