We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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