Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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