I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
