Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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