Plan B is the new Plan A
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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