i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
