My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
