woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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