I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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