First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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