It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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