This girl is more easily done than said...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
