They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
