dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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