i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
