I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
