so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
