I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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