I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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