I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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