Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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