He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
