shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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