This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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