Already got asked if we're dating
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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