dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
