Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
