I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
