bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
