I need help removing her.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
