he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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