what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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