his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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