EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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