you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
