My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
