i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
