You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
