google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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