you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
