i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
