Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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