At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
