He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
