yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
