You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can I color on your dick again?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
