You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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